I like to be in control. I do not like roller coasters, I do not like riding shotgun in cars, I do not like relying on people to get things done. I have a feeling that I do not trust that things will work out, maybe that is due to them not working out in my favor in past situations, or it could be that I have always tried to be in control and have suffered the effects of things not going my way.
Both could be in play, I suppose there is no absolute answer to my thoughts, but I sense that I have the addiction of control. Not that I am some freak who is unable to work with others and has psychotic fits when things don’t roll in his favor, but just the type of person who puts the same demands on others that he puts on himself, therefore imposing obligations that are unable to be fulfilled by the other which produces tension, and unfruitful situations.
‘Let life be on life’s terms, not mine’ I must say that rings true. A way to just let go a little by little, relax, and focus on what I can do at the moment. I tend to neglect now, and spend much time regretting later. Not like I’m crying about this and that, but just feeling like I’m not getting enough done, or feeling like my progress is not up to par. Maybe it’s because it’s not even possible to get done what I am expecting, maybe my demands are further than my reach and clearly out of my control.
My past has not dealt me the best cards, and I accept that when I was I played quite a few hands unwisely, but due to bad parenting or lack there of., I have been programmed in sense to predict and almost expect the negative or worst case scenario syndrome. It still is affecting me now and interfering with current projects and progress. What must I do to change how I think? I don’t know , but I think that it is up to me. To one, let life be in control and learn to let go a little, and two relax and focus on what I can do now.
No comments:
Post a Comment