Reaction vs, Action

In a recent court ordered AA meeting I had the pleasure of enduring over 20 people express god assertions and program success testimonies. It gets to be most difficult when the topics are centrally based on, or revolving around god in which today's topic was "knowledge of god's will for us, and the wisdom to stop struggling and fighting against it, letting his plan for us triumph" these types of topics are hard for me to process and share when the time comes for me to speak or pass.

First off an assertion is something that is assumed but cannot be proven either way, and if you pay attention to most conversations they are filled with assertions especially religious conversations such as in this particular meeting. These are some of the ones I can remember that were shared in one way or another.

god is a HE
god has a universal and ultimate plan for mankind
god has a ultimate plan for you and I
god wants you to know what that plan is
god needs your prayers and meditation to help you
god wrote the bible
the bible is absolute truth
god can be offended
god speaks to you
god spoke to the AA blue book authors
if it wasn't for the program I would be...

With all of these things being collectively accepted I am faced with overload of thoughts as to weather I just pass, maybe challenge the ideas, go totally off subject, or try to find a way to creatively relate. Well I didn't choose the later it was just too hard at the moment. I decided to react to all these assertions instead putting into action creative transparency. I said my name and stated that I did not work the steps but did have had a desire not to drink which unfortunately equates to limited program appreciation. I just said some broad and vague statements about life and quickly passed.

I knew as soon as it happened that I completely reacted to the whole situation versus controlling my emotions enough to be able to share the information and experience that might be beneficial for another. When I first began going to these meetings I was very intrigued by the peoples honesty and openness for some time, but the thrill has gone and long passed due to the "he's new so gets a free pass when he objects to our assertions" has run out. These are the twelve steps that I find to be unacceptable for me.

The Alcoholics Anonymous 12 steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I have over 120 days of sobriety which equates to roughly 40-50 meetings that I have attended and over half of the meetings are centrally focused on the "god as we understand him" subject which I choose to leave a mystery. Either way and everything else a side, my whole rant is to point out how this experience has caused me to face this battle between Reaction vs Action.