People...

Are the treasure.

How About You?

I do not know my world history.

How about you?

No Lie...

I am completely sober and still completely skeptical. We will have new Michigan ID'S next year. They will probably cost $50-60 and have a special magnetic strip with who knows what the fuck goes on it. It will be as good as the passport in Canada and Mexico our new countries! Find out what you can on the "NAU" It will blow your mind.

Some last words from Bob

Robert Anton Wilson, author and lecturer. Left the building in 06, and I have just stumbled upon his books in the past few months. A great mind and worthy of some research.

Who Makes The Grass Green?

It seems to me that my attitude is my responsibility. Big revelation huh? Well it has turned out to be more challenging for me to be optimistic vs. skeptical and pessimistic. Naturally or by habit, I have developed into someone who tends to find "the catch" in almost every situation, it's a fucking curse. My troubles with this line of thinking almost certainly began as a child, I learned to not put much faith in people's promises, and It's grown into the loss of faith in mankind as a whole at times. I believe most of us have been conditioned to support our lack of hope in ourselves and each other.

I envy envy the optimist approach, and I am on a quest to arrive at their holy happiness and hope! To always see the glass half full, and never bout with insecurity and self doubt ever again! Well... I'm sure it's not like that, but I am determined to find out what it is like to be hopeful and encouraged no matter what, at any given moment. I must learn the art of "The Greener Side". I am the master who makes the grass green, and it seems to me to be my job to view my life a bit more greener.

My lawn is good, my lawn is grand, and yes I am the weather man.

Second time...

This is the second time my wife and I have been outbid in our house hunting journey. We put an offer in at $84,999 including 6% sales concession covered by seller, and than we had to up our offer to $90.000 including 6% sales concession covered by seller, but our offer was beaten by a buyer who had $85,000 Cash.

The process of house hunting is damn near a full time job, from being online to physically looking at homes it is, or can be very consuming. All of the financing and whatnot is quite complicated, not to mention all the mental notes regarding each home you look garage, basement, sq. feet, and the list goes on). I guess we are back to the drawing board. Hopefully we will find the right home soon. Paying $800 in rent for a 725 sq. foot 2 bed room apartment is a motherfucker.

Sponsor Phil

There is a guy at my AA classes that has consistently been a pleasure to listen to. Mid fifties and full of stories I am drawn to his ability to find humor in the small things and tends to keep an attitude I admire. Turns out he used to play for the Chicago Blackhawks and is still in the hockey world scouting young bucks. My P.O. suggested I get a sponsor to assist me in the program. Now I am not so much into following the program, it is difficult for me to deal with the God part like a step, and etc.

I usually leave before the closing "Lord's Prayer", but this time i stuck it out and approached Phil. He seemed delighted to have my interest and At this time in all honesty I'm not really struggling with not drinking, or taking pills, so I don't plan on having to call anyone to talk me out of anything, I'm a little to hard headed for that shit anyhow, but I can definitely foresee going fishing with this man and just listening to his stories.

I am glad to be sober and I enjoy getting up at 7am to attend these meetings. For me personally it is a good way for me to start the day. Grown folk dealing with grown folk issues, that's what it really is. Even if you don't follow the program, the doors are open to anyone who "Desires not to drink".

Working In The Past.

I have a goal to reach in my musical endeavors, that is to create, and complete 26 projects in my career. They must be 30 min. or more, and obviously worthy of listening to. The trouble with the whole deal is, my turnover rate can't keep up with my new creativity. It is hard to capture the essence of a song you wrote months ago, and are now finally getting around to.

With that being said, I need to focus on recording songs as I write them, and try to focus on pushing my energy towards my best work yet. I am not as confident with my past work as much as I am with my current, and it gets frustrating trying to catch up before I get to my now material.

I am beginning to understand what works best for me. If I am to be excited about my music, it must be fresh to me or I get bored with it quickly. Progression is the key, but letting some work be the stepping stone for others is hard for me to do. So many beats and so many songs that just don't make the cut. I would like to utilize everything, but in reality it's impractical.

Boonie Mayfield

I love this cat!

6 Classics

These 6 classics have changed my musical life in one way or another. What makes them classic? Obviously production plays a large part, but so does the content, teamwork, swagger, freshness, and overall energy. I appreciate these LP's because they are the essence of an art that I have come to love. If you are a hip hop appreciator or just interested, I would recommend them highly. Enjoy.

Future Humans

Can you imagine being able to see, and taste sound, or running barefoot in 20 below weather? This video is one of a few that Discovery did, it showcases 4 people with amazing abilities, and scientist that might be able to extract it genetically. Video 4 of 10. Enjoy

Crash!!!

I'm not sure if you have had the joy of all your hard work being threatened. But I can assure you that it is quite a fucking ride. It would be great, and grand to just have that careless easygoing approach to all the unfortunate things that happen in life, but I am not there at this time. What happened? Well, my computer crashed and I lost who knows how many hours of work, and over $1,400 in money spent on what is no more. I had a virus infection some time back and just medicated it with AVG and whatnot assuming that I was fine, but obviously that was a fantasy.

It all went down when the blue screen took over my monitor and left me like a child in the basement, scared and anticipating the worst. It was what I was afraid of. After the initial stomach drop, I attempted to service my problem but ended up with dead ends from all angles. I worked with an obsession for 6 days and 5 nights to get this computer in good standing and it finally as of last night at 3am was up and running. I did not spend a dime in the process.

Being in the middle of so much work and progress this really caught me off guard. looking back in hindsight I would do things differently, but I learned a great deal in the process. Even though i lost a lot, I gained a lot of technical knowledge, and my system is much more stable, and organized. One bit of advice i would give, is to make sure that you have your important stuff backed up and that you take care of viruses caught early on. DO NOT procrastinate unless you have nothing to lose.

In regards to the careless approach that some would say that is the best way to handle tings, I must say, that if it was not for my passion and sheer determination to not lose EVERYTHING, I would not have what I still have. Many would have lost it all.

Acknowledging potential

At work last night I listened to the well known motivational speaker Zig Ziglar. The teaching was called "Building a healthy self image". He is quite entertaining as he immediately breaks into a short story with no introduction. The first point he made that really grabbed me was "If your word is no good, than eventually neither are you". and the second point was "if you help others get what they want you will get what you want". For me these points and good gems for everyday living and interactions.

The stories are inspiring and practical, emphasizing responsibility as the number one need in America, and commitment to goals that we set. The ingredient to help these matters is recognizing there importance and inspiring optimism. Having a game plan is so key he points out, stating that you get so much more done when you are decisive and focused. The history of great people who have impacted our world, a large percentage of them have served in some form of military training which deals with these matters of discipline.

2 statements he made had carry a whole lot of significance for me."People with nothing to do, want to do it with you". and "People may not believe everything you say, but they will believe everything you do". The first is one of my pet peeves and can get me frustrated fast because I feel as if i always have something to do and rarely like to just to nothing. The second because I would rather not talk about things as much as I would rather take action.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission". The reality of this is pretty impacting because I can easily shift into comparing myself with the best in the world and be discouraged because of it. Not taking into account the progression of growth and not valuing myself or abilities can easily become the snare of comparison.

"Choose your friends carefully, because if you run with the wise, you too will become wise" And the big one for many of us hit home good. "If you want to build a healthy self image, than avoid pornography, because anything that degrades man kind degrades you". These are very applicable things for me, and I'm sure you as well. If not and this guy is all hype, and full of self help B.S. I guess I'm a sucker, because I'm about to buy one of his books right now.

Oh and I forgot to mention a great formula he had:

Acknowledging potential equals purpose, which naturally creates production, and performance.

How do you see you?

Only you...

Only you can control what you do. Of course you can play games and manipulate, but there is never any guarantees except for responsibility for our actions. I think I have just lived through a perfect example, if you attempt to control how others act, you will end up in emotional bondage. You just can't keep anyone happy all the time, and still do you.

When I get in my lab to work, or write and my girl let's me know she is feeling unappreciated, or neglected. Immediately creativity halts, and comes to a fucken standstill. There is no blowing it off, and saying whatever. Maybe that works with girlfriends you don't live with, but when it's your wife, and you live together. You have no where to go, and get your work done without dealing with the situation or scrapping any plans of progress and focus.

Energy turns bitter and frustrated, feeling like it's being persecuted for being itself, and has to defend it's ground as if talking for the sake of talking is more important. I get all in my head, pissed off about the lack of privacy and lack of respect for my work and desires to gets some shit done.

So after the 2-5 min mood altering sour conversation, I end up fuming wanting to fucken break something. I'm right your wrong is the same old dance, and usually someones ego has to be a doormat for the jamboree to end without sayin some real mean ass shit. Been there done that, and I acknowledge that my reactions are mine, and my responsibility to manage. Everyone else can carry there own baggage, being a bell boy is a waste of time, I've got my own luggage to manage.

God dabblen.

Going to AA classes and constantly facing the "higher power" topic, I have had no choice but to ponder on my own god theories. If you know me and my history, than I wouldn't have to explain, but assuming you don't so I will briefly update you.

From 2001 through 2005 I was a dedicated follower of fundamental evangelicalism, or otherwise known as Christianity. Due to various learnings, and reflections, I came out on the other side not convinced either way, I simply did not know and still do not know who god is, or what are universal purpose is and am not convinced anyone does. With that being stated, I became, and still might be very skeptical and weary of god talk and god theories.

I have come to realize that I am not as tough, disciplined nor many other things that I have once believed. Not that I'm a victim, but definitely a product of modern culture hence; addicted to comfort, convenience and false security. In spite of all that, I am faced with grown man shit everyday, and it seems to be completely human to look to something beyond ourselves, to strengthen us, guide us, and protect us from things we would like to not be overcome by.

Honestly I am not sure where i stand on all of it, because of all the different prospectives I have endured and studied. From looking within, to looking above there seems to be relevance in it all, which makes my theories more complicated or harder to work through to shape my own. One thing is true, that everyone else's views we have heard over the years dramatically affects our own, and everyone has needs that their concept of god will usually be able to fill. So I'm sure my own theories will not be too original, for I like many others have been plagued with the curse of much information.

Are you talking to yourself, or actually talking to god? I'm not sure, but whatever it takes to improve, and do what we know to be right seems to be the best we can do, I guess. I will keep updating this topic for the rest of my life I'm sure.

Morning anger

Anyone have anger issues? I do. The reasons differ, but overall at times i can be a fucken prick. I'm not defending it because I know it is usually unjustified. I am honestly considering anger management. Today i woke up and was just annoyed at about everything, didn't want to get out of bed, wife wanted me to do various things i didn't want to do, go to AA, look for houses, no milk, etc. So i kind of snapped at my lady, made some coffee, had a cig, and went to AA. The topic was Anger, and "centering" your thoughts on your higher power. After the meeting I apologized to my wife for being impatient, and found out about anger management classes for $5 a session, I think I shall look into it.

Why I was so frustrated today waking up? I'm not sure, but it's not worth wasting the day in that mindset. If i am frustrated with myself, I should probably figure out why. It is no fun being edgy and unsatisfied half of your days.

The myth of the golden tongue

It’s hard to be whatever age we are. From being kids who can’t go and do as they wish, to the moments of teenage boredom and peer reliance, we all know we come to face even more challenging issues in adulthood. The list goes on, I am in no mood to relay it eloquently, so I might as well say it. Life can be fucking hard and complicated.

Maybe undisciplined emotions are to blame, or maybe we need to be reminded of the bigger picture with George Winston playing in the background. I am not sure what to do sometimes with the issues I face in the present, from all the ranges of topics the most complicated is the realm of human relations.

We all keep growing, and forgetting what we’ve learned in comparable ratios, leading us up and down complicated paths of decision and communication. If I was as smart as I sometimes think I am, I would have the golden tongue in every situation, but I obviously have an everyday ego that deceives me into believing a lie. I desire that people are inspired to be better by my presence or essence, but I acknowledge that I just have a real hard time pleasing everybody as a matter of opinion, and I don’t think it’s possible to, nor should be the objective or goal. My seemingly pointless rant comes down to what I believe to be a universal reality.

” No matter what age we are, there is always hardships that are misunderstood year to year”

There is enough time in the day.

So much to do and so much to learn, it seems to become more and more difficult the older I get. I am in dire need of some personal rituals to keep me inline.

Things to keep the day productive.

1. Make a list of daily goals
2. Set priorities
3. Treat everything as an appointment.
4. Plan on things not going exactly as planned.

There is enough time in the day for me to accomplish my goals. My current goals are reachable and realistic.

Weekly Goals :

Piano for 2 hours
Make 2-4 Beats that are acceptable
Blog 5 times
Record 2 songs
Follow daily priority lists
Work on 1-2 Photoshop projects
Read the paper 3 times a week
Journal ideas on where you want to be.

As of right now, this will be enough to get me moving.

Not comforting

The way it should be…

When I get frustrated I usually show it. My standards I put on myself tend to be puked on those closest to me. I have got to keep focused on what’s important at the end of the day. My wife feeling loved and appreciated should be on the top of my list, but it tends to get misplaced along the way.

She means well and really is a great wife, good person, and has an enjoyable character. I need to find a way to balance all of this. Being a newlywed is not that easy, it is filled with these preconceived notions on both ends that have to be worked through daily. Why I get so easily angered I am not sure, but being an asshole is not the way rectify anything.

It’s easy to not take the responsibility, and even easier to get even more upset. I am not finding any comfort in writing this.

This is not the way it should be.

Bitchassness

If there a way to set the tone at any given time… I want that power.

Between the hours of 5pm and 9pm, I feel the most alert mentally and creatively. This time is when my ability to express with a certain magic tends to be the strongest. Mornings tend to do me no justice and evenings at home seem to be interruptive of my wife’s idea of what they should be. Could it be that I need to change my work hours which are 2pm-10pm M-F? Or is there some way to transcend these circumstances and just be able to perform what is needed to be accomplished.

Mr. Puff Daddy himself has a personal spin on this type of situation I had observed, and he calls my condition “Bitchassness”. He spoke of the responsibility to get things done and press through all my little circumstances, no matter how you feel you must get the job done. Period.

Being Honest

“There is no honesty in pride”

Could this be true? As far as I can tell, there is no thing to convince me otherwise. There is moments when people shine like no other time, and to me that is when they are able to be completely honest. These days and many of long ago it has been improper, inappropriate, rude, unnecessary, or just bad taste to be too honest and too revealing. Is it possible to be too honest? I’m sure if you asked a married person the answer would be yes but I have a difficult time appreciating that answer as a true one.

We have to be on guard, and role play in this society to protect our hard earned egos. It is a way of life that I wish could somehow be reviewed and recanted , but it seems our culture would crumble if real honesty was to have it’s way in our world. We feel we have to fabricate our true feelings to our fellow human to keep the peace, and level of comfort stable. What would relationships be like if complete honesty could have it’s way? I am afraid to say we will never find out, due to our fear of being rejected, but it is still possible, isn’t it? If not… it is a depressing thought.

I have observed that we are most likely to be vulnerable with people we don’t know verses people we do. It is therapeutic to be honest, and in an atmosphere of openness. One can be him or herself with no threat of it being held against them. Just being deflated of pride and ego letting the real feelings arise and be released. It tends to calm the soul and bring about a sense of cleansing. No holding things back, and pretending to be someone we are not, and deceiving those around us, but letting them in to our world of emotion and be able to let them empathize with us, and us with them. Pride has no place in those settings, but should be handled with compassion if it just so happens to show up.

Letting Go...

I like to be in control. I do not like roller coasters, I do not like riding shotgun in cars, I do not like relying on people to get things done. I have a feeling that I do not trust that things will work out, maybe that is due to them not working out in my favor in past situations, or it could be that I have always tried to be in control and have suffered the effects of things not going my way.

Both could be in play, I suppose there is no absolute answer to my thoughts, but I sense that I have the addiction of control. Not that I am some freak who is unable to work with others and has psychotic fits when things don’t roll in his favor, but just the type of person who puts the same demands on others that he puts on himself, therefore imposing obligations that are unable to be fulfilled by the other which produces tension, and unfruitful situations.

‘Let life be on life’s terms, not mine’ I must say that rings true. A way to just let go a little by little, relax, and focus on what I can do at the moment. I tend to neglect now, and spend much time regretting later. Not like I’m crying about this and that, but just feeling like I’m not getting enough done, or feeling like my progress is not up to par. Maybe it’s because it’s not even possible to get done what I am expecting, maybe my demands are further than my reach and clearly out of my control.

My past has not dealt me the best cards, and I accept that when I was I played quite a few hands unwisely, but due to bad parenting or lack there of., I have been programmed in sense to predict and almost expect the negative or worst case scenario syndrome. It still is affecting me now and interfering with current projects and progress. What must I do to change how I think? I don’t know , but I think that it is up to me. To one, let life be in control and learn to let go a little, and two relax and focus on what I can do now.

AA Class

I went to my first AA meeting yesterday, surprisingly I enjoyed it. I left feeling like I used to back in the church days. It seems that the testimonies and positive attitudes really can be quite soothing to the soul. True companionship was present, and the people were genuine in conduct and just good company all the way around.

I once read a book by Dale Carnegie, he suggested that places like that are perfect grounds for public speaking practice. Hopefully I will take advantage of the opportunity to gain some more experience in that department, because I was slightly unfocused when they called on me to speak. Afterwards I thought “I’m just better one on one with people, verses group settings.” Bullshit, that might be true but can’t fly. If you need to work in that area… than do it.

The topic was “Turning points, and half measures avail us nothing.” I could relate a little with each speaker, but the prospective that everyday is turning point, resonated with me quite well. The stories of each person have a way of getting inside you and empathizing, kicking up the dust and drawing out your own experiences. I found it to be honest and comforting I am looking forward to my next meeting in an hour and a half.

“Today is unlike any other day, I can do more than I am able to comprehend, and the power of life that lies in me, is waiting to be exercised. I can help make this world a better place, and I don’t need any substance to do it. God is alive in me, and no one can offend me, I have nothing to gain by being self absorbed. Today is a great day, and I will enjoy myself and others in it”

Playin game

“What I must do is all that concerns me, not what people think.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Somewhere along the road it seems that we pick up the need to please people . Not everyone of course, but companions, family members, employers, associates, and the law are usually top of the list. I’m sure if you asked someone if they were a people pleaser, they would most likely deny it and probably take offense, but if they analyze their conduct in an unbiased fashion, they would most likely see the small details that can leave them corrected and intrigued by their own conformity.

I, a self proclaimed non-conformist must say, that after some current events and hard thought, I realize that I have become in many ways, no different than most worldly, approval seeking, people pleaser's. The professionals would most likely trace it back to our childhoods and are probably right. Parenting good or bad has shaped our thinking in many ways, but our parents or overseers can’t take credit for all of it., we picked up the ball along the way, and have been running with it ever since.

How does it happen…?
I would say gradually. We have definitely been programmed or at least our behavior has been modified to maintain our role in society.

Chain of events

“Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.”- Ben Franklin.

In my opinion when you are angry with yourself, it’s the worst. There is no one else to blame. When it’s someone else’s fault you can accept it and deal with it almost instantly. Tell them it’s alright, to be more careful next time, and it’s over, but when YOU are to blame it’s a whole different ball game. The situation at hand tends to replay itself over and over rubbing your carelessness, irresponsibility or forgotten mental note in your face until you crucify yourself silly.

YOU are to blame. You could have prevented it. What were you thinking? Do you ever learn your lessons? What the hell is wrong with you? These are just some of the nicer things that tend to run through your head. Nevertheless, if your anything like me you begin to blame others, start rationalizing your innocence, and shifting responsibility towards them, all in the same moments of thought. The outcome still puts you in the loser seat and with an edgy attitude towards any who might have helped in your bad decisions.

Anger definitely alters your prospective. Nice guy one minute, and frickin psycho the next, without any warning just a change of events and circumstances and there you go, pissed off and ready to snap, especially towards any who might bear any responsibility. A burning sick to your stomach like when you lose your much needed wallet, or end up in jail, or crashing your parents car with no insurance. These are all preventable situations based on bad decisions, and when they happen and your to blame, it feels like your instantly high on emotion. Fear, rage, regret, self haterd all come rushing to your senses and smack you with relentless force.

There has got to be a better way of handling these emotions. Maybe it’s normal to feel those overwhelming feelings, or maybe we are to hard on ourselves. I’m sure what to do in those situations. To fight the anger in a self counseling fashion tends to just piss me off more , but in the height of the moment there has got to be a way of maintaining a clear head, if not only for the sake of the people around me.

Pirates

There has got to be a way to access your own personal treasure. Meditation, prayer, self power, pure determination, and drugs seem to be the obvious influences in the lives of many writers, actors, musicians, entertainers, and many other peoples of greatness that we tend to be obsessed with in this day and age. But, what does it really take, to tap the well of our own personal greatness?

Many of us tend to mimic the path of others, like getting extremely high expecting the same results of the artist who claims to live on drug that we are with experimenting. Sometimes we might attend the same schooling, move to the same city, imitate the individual or even take things further even. I’m sure some people have had success in these circumstances, and I’m positive many have failed.

What is the secret? Is there one? No I’m sure there is no universal answer. Each person is so different, from emotional states, past experiences, dreams, and talents it is impossible to have a cookie cutter steps to success program. But, I believe we do have a map, an internal map that only we can read.

What is the treasure to be found? Maybe it’s a life of solitude and quietness, maybe it’s on stage in front of millions, maybe it’s to start a new colony, or even to be the best at what ever you do. The routes to our greatness relies on us, or maybe it is all complete chance and luck, I don’t know. But, many as long as we keep looking at the map the treasure will be found.

Go Go people

“ There is no goodness, where simplicity and truth are absent” -Tolstoy

The world we live in now, much like past generations, has been in constant transformation regarding the personal time spent by individuals, and families.
Obviously work and education take up a good bulk of our time, but what we do with our other “time” determines a lot about us. Whether we realize it or not., simple or plain living seems a hassle to us. We tend to look for the fastest, most efficient way to do things which is all fine and well, but I believe the driving force behind that, is this sense of urgency to “utilize” anytime we have just to get things done and compete in this dog eat dog culture we have found ourselves placed in. It seems that anxiety tends to mold us to the common more than we tend to acknowledge.

Unfortunately, once someone has experienced some form of personal satisfaction or accomplishment due to the “hustle” it can become an addictive state of mind. Go go go! Always working, no time to just relax and ponder the reasons or roots of the work at hand. Why am I so fixated on doing this? Why do I get so agitated and impatient? Why do I create more work for myself than I can accomplish? Why am I doing this anyway? Is this really what I want? What are my motives? Are they pure, and good?, Or am I a product of envy, and complicity?

What happened to simple appreciation? We have become so fixated with attaining happiness, that it passes us by without boasting of our loss. It happens in the moments of trees whistling as we approach our car, the way that the bird sings as we walk out of the door, a smile from the one you love, and satisfaction a doing a job well done. Maybe if we are able to see how tense, unsatisfied, and ungrateful we are, the wake up might be enough o get us off autopilot. Either way it’s going to be humbling.

The points?

I tend to notice more now than in past times, how opinionated people can be. From radio to literature, people stamp they're ideas in the world we live in, just like now what I am doing.

Some are just casually expressing themselves , while others are driven by they're passion to make points and execute a personal agenda. I have been a part of both categories, and I can honestly say I have no idea why we want other people to understand us so much. I'm sure some could argue how it's fixed in our human needs and I won't debate it, but why?

Why do we want people to hear our story, our ideas, our prospective? I think I understand why we write stories about hope, love, and overcoming our complexes etc. But more and more I begin to notice how futile it seems when we cut each other through opinions just so we can have the gratification of believing we are right and they are wrong. I don't see the relevance as much as I used to.

Wasting away

What do we all have, but spend differently? It's not money... it's time. It seems that we all have definitions of what is and what isn't, time well spent. Depending on where you were raised , by whom , and who you surround yourself with, can pretty much determine alot about one's view regarding what time well spent is.

For some, "meditating" is considered a waste of time and lazy, while for others, running around "making things happen" is a waste of time and futile. It truly becomes a matter of prospective. Many times we can look back on things and consider the time we spent at one point or another, unproductive or unbeneficial, but even that is filtered through our prospective of what time well spent is.

For younger people it is very common for the question to come up when around older folk,"So what are you doing right now?" Which almost always turns awkward when you respond to anything other than "Going to school for this or that." It seems to me, that usually happens when people believe anything other than that at this point in our lives is in a sense "wasting time". A very disputable matter, and this tends to be one of the biggest of all. What is wasting time? Is it possible to know when you are wasting time? And is it possible to know when someone else is wasting time?

These questions must take into account the reality of life lessons that we learn through mistakes and shortcomings, and also our changing prospectives on what wasted time is. We do not lecture the old man who sits and reflects, but we do the young. We tend to have a common thought of what time well spent is. Get money, get god, get high, get sex, get a good job, get a education, get a following, get a life. All of these will keep us busy and occupied and I will not dispute any of they're relevance but in the midst of all this I believe if you are really taking the time and thought to appreciate wherever you are and whatever you are doing, it is never time wasted.

We are alive and one day we will not be, I know it is not always easy to see the glass half full but it's worth a shot to keep trying. If we don't, I am sure we will regret it one day, and consider anything less than appreciating life was naive and foolish.

So no matter what people think about where we are. We can consider it just a matter of opinion, whether on a mountain top, or in the office, we can appreciate the two and live our own life, free from trying to live up to someone else's wasted time theory. Who knows, we both may change in our wasting away.

All glory to whomever

It's a common response in the christian community when replying to a compliment. "Glory to God". A humble statement one could suppose, but I have another take.

I went to congratulate a buddy of mine on a two year anniversary for his church. I respect him, first as a human, second as "go against the grainer". He really is a real nice guy. Anyhow, I went to shake his hand, we spoke for a moment, and he asked how things were. (Side note: "I think most Christians are expecting me to say things are messed up and I need to get right with God" and this was one of those.) I replied things are well, and I had just wanted to stop by and congratulate him on the hard work. He replied "Glory to God, If it was me it would be obvious, but it must be God for all this to have worked out". I replied that I would take his word for it, smiled, shook his hand and left.

This is the same guy I would meet for coffee periodically, until we realized neither was open for the others opinion to persuade our own. I reflected on the whole situation in the ride to Bob Evans, my girlfriend with me who had no tolerance at the time for the conversation. I pondered on how I had did the same so many times, "Glory to God, I take no credit, all God, His Spirit". One guy, a truck driver at that, had came into my work a few years back and I began to testify about how the Holy Spirit had delivered me from drugs, sex , and anger. He obviously needed what I did, everybody did. Anyhow he said "Do you really believe that you had no part in getting off drugs etc." I swore I didn't, it was all God. He left my work and left me with a thought.

Years later, I now, like the truck driver, do not believe that it was "All God", or God at all for that matter, that got me off drugs etc. I now believe that the lifestyle changes I made were the contributing factors, including no longer hanging around people who did drugs, surrounding myself with people who condemned drugs labeling them demonic, and various other factors were a part of it. Not to mention I was bored with the drugs and knew I needed to change . Having something to believe in, and the power of being accepted by a group will or can break any habit.

So when hearing my buddy say "Glory to God, if it was me it would be obvious...." I was reminded of my interpretation of his success. I believe he has overlooked some major factors. He is a good communicator, very passionate, good looking with a good looking wife and child, second or third generation pastor, very driven, animated, and wants to help people. These are all traits of similar personalities that are dispersed in every different religion and business that has succeeded in our history.

I do not believe that he has no role in the success he is experiencing. People who don't know what to do, look to people who look like they do, and he sure does look like he does.

The Great Window

Yesterday I was meeting with a customer for an upcoming event, and the topic of a hyperkondreact step mother became a part of the conversation. The client said, "Don't freak out if she faints or needs to go to the hospital; it's not real". I honestly did not know what a hyperkondreact was prior to then, but I am definitely familiar with the concept.

From what I understand, it is similar to people who suffer from bulimia. They're mind tells them something that is contrary to the natural, and factual evidence, which is: they are not fat, nor is the hyperkondreact having an allergic reaction to something, but they have thoroughly convinced themselves otherwise.

I feel an extreme sense of empathy for the unfortunate people who have experienced this degree of self deception. I wish there was a way to persuade everyone out of these types of mindsets, but I am afraid some people have become addicted to these perspectives and are in captive to the cycles.

The most widespread phenomenon of this sort in my opinion is what I call, "The Great Window". That's right, you guessed it, Christianity at it's finest!
I believe this religion produces the same affects as any other self deceptive and destructive psychology on the market. Through the power of suggestion, manipulation, acceptance and other various influences, the belief system has the ability to completely alter one's perspective.

Maybe I should share my own story which would give me the credentials to speak on the issue, (it seems most people want you to make them think you know what your talking about, before they can respect it as valid), but not today, we will have to do that another time. But I promise you, I have been inside the camp, and understand the bottom line evangelical fundamental concepts with clarity.

Anyhow, I consider this to be The Great Window because when you accept this worldview as reality, there is little or no chance that you will ever be able to see though another prospective due to the power of having answers to life's questions that The Great Window supplies without end.

Just like with the suffering bulimic when you try to communicate that they really are not over sized, the response is similar to the suffering christian that is convinced they are flawed and full of sin. Although there are many different doctrines within the christian community, you will find that one of the most common themes is the view that we are: born under condemnation, tainted with sin, and separated from God until there is an intellectual conversion through the belief in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

If you were to try to tell a christian that we as humans are NOT separated from God, are NOT full of sin, and do NOT need a savior in the first place, I'm sure you would receive a ear load of reasons why you are out of your mind and need to repent and get saved!

In my opinion these are diseases that have infected the minds of millions if not billions and has created much destruction to the minds, emotions, and hearts of the many and it is truly my desire to help people see differently so that we can somehow someway get along with each other better on this planet.

I wish I could remain unbiased in my writing but I am convicted that Christianity is not the truth, the life, nor the way for every person, and my thoughts are wrote to inspire that theme. I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes.

"The two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity"
-Friederich Nietzsche-

To each is own

Why are we here? What for? Who am I? What is life all about? These are some of the questions we all ask at one time or another. It seems to me, that some more than others, remain in a state of obsession over finding answers to these questions. I myself have been one, and am a recovering addict to the mindset. The mindset referred to is quite interesting, I believe it has shined greatly in our history at many various times, such as in the lives of Moses, Joseph smith, and David Caresh who are some of my personal favorites of like minded truth seekers.

There are thousands if not millions, who have lived and died with these visions and dreams sent to provide the rest of us within the proper way to live, and directions on the rituals in order to interact with the gods or god. How these types of people who we will call "reachers" come to they're conclusions I think for sure starts out very innocent. They were asking the same questions we've all asked pertaining to purpose right now and in the afterlife. But somewhere things got beyond that, and how it did and why, varies with each individual.

It reminds me of our psychoanalysis processes of today. Something happened to these people what it is we don't know, but something did happen, and it had a life altering impact. We know the mind of the human is the most mysterious thing and the possibilities it can create within ones imagination is limitless and eternally possible. So that validates that whatever vision or dream people have is entirely possible as in it most certainly did happen, in they're mind. Did it happen physically or in universal reality? Or was it just a imaginative creation similar to Steven King dreams later published as books? That would most certainly be the argument still debated around the world guns drawn and all.

What validates one's truth? I heard someone on the radio justify his truth because " He experienced it". I wont disagree with that statement, but the context he spoke from was promoting his christian truth which advises him to proclaim his truth as The truth meaning no other truth is real or universally relevant. That I do see flaws in, which brings us back to our "reacher" friends who I believe are so desperate for answers about life they have settled on whatever the have reached for and through reasoning, and personal experienced have come to hold as truth. Here me out, in no way shape or form do I neglect a persons need for purpose and belief, I think it is one of the three most important needs in one's life; A sense of purpose, healthy relationships and a healthy prospective of one's self. But when your truth and the teachings you hold prevent my three emphasis on healthy living I am Leary of it's relevancy apart from my personal opinion of the teachings or belief itself. I am not quite sure why people with hearts to help and desires of peace get caught up in dividing and separatist religions or truth prospectives.

It's nothing new, and just about every conversation about these things I have with amazing people always comes down to " If it works for you than who am I to try to persuade otherwise". I have no need to convert or mess with people's faith in whatever, I just don't know how much time people actually spend examining they're faith or truth instead of defending it. The comfort they're experiencing because of the answers they believe they have, will bring a therapeutic effect for sure, but is it really as real to as gravity? And if it isn't, why would you speak as if it is? But once again who am I to question you? I guess to each is own.

If there is no god

"If there is no God,
Not everything is permitted to man.
He is still his brothers keeper
And he is not permitted to sadden his brother,
By saying that there is no God."
-Czeslaw Milosz-

This thought spoke to me some time back, and I keep it at my bedside taped amongst other things as a reminder of my fellow humans. It is strangely obvious that our differances can create tension in everyday life. One believes one thing, another believes something contrary. I myself have realized the importance of one's belief, and consider it a sacred issue for each individual. So regardless of my take on they're beliefs in God or what not, I have to remind myself of this comment.

A Biblical Prospective

If you ever get the chance to sit down and speak with a self proclaimed teacher of the bible. You will more than likely hear many references to their efforts to instill in their pupils a biblical prospective. What is a biblical prospective? The answer to that depends on the teacher.

The debate continues within the christian community, regarding what is, and what is not biblical. The range of topics is vast, and large considering the bible has answers for virtually every area in life, right on down to hygiene.
The people who subject themselves to these teachers are taught to take everything that's within the bible literal, and learn to apply every written event to they're own lives. That is because each and every word is straight from the mouth of God, excluding the humanly participating authors. "It is a love letter from God to you" that is the common thought, and there is no need in trying to debate it's authenticity, because it's been tested by time and it's still around after all these years, so it must be Gods word.

Now within this book called the bible there are stories of old, relating messages of love, humility, compassion, wisdom, and courage etc. Not to mention messages of hate, pride, injustice, foolishness, and disobedience. Stories of massacres, God sent disasters and holy men influenced murders are all enough to make us need someone to teach us what these stories really mean.
If you want to know what people believe about the bible you can usually find out by listening to who taught them they're biblical prospective. These men and women are the source of the information that is spread to the lives of the common christian. From sermons to books and beyond, these men and women have a call from God and the authority to interpret the bible for us.

I have no idea how many denominations, and sects of Christianity there are, but I'm sure it's in the hundreds of thousands. They exist because the teachers of these organizations cannot accept each others biblical prospective entirely. They have they're own preferences and convictions on what is most relevant, preventing complete unity.

If you trace the histories of these organizations you will almost always find them stemming to one man or woman. And I have seen these types of "Leaders", and the pressure is on so extensively for them to make sense out of the bible that it is of no surprise to me to hear some of the prospectives that are presented as being biblical. I have learned a few things in my day and one of them is "When the pressure is on to spiritualize everything, delusion sets in". From not only the bible, but when interpreting every day activities in this world.

When people believe and accept that the bible is the guide book for life, and that every answer they need in life is there, it is no wonder why many of our most deranged and psychotic individuals to ever be recorded, were raised in the same faith I am referring to, or one very similar. "This is the only way to see things" has been and never will be productive for humanity as a whole. And if you do not know what I mean, try telling a real deal christian that they could be wrong about the bible and Jesus. You will quickly see they're learned biblical prospective released.

Jesus vs. jesus

The conversation came up while driving my friend Joel to the Gerald R. Ford airport for his weeks vacation in Florida. I mentioned I had been busy lately doing some extra work for a cause i thought worthy of my time. The work is a task I have taken on indefinitely as head in charge of all CD and DVD orders that run through my friends organization called MWM "Mike Williams Ministries".

My friend Michael, I believe, has a unique ability to help many Christians voice what they don't know how to express or explain. The result of his teachings in the lives of open minded, fanatical Christians, is quite impressive. People who were extremely confused with the "Shut up!, just submit" and " If it doesn't line up with our understanding of the new testament, it's the devil!" programs, are surprisingly led to a more solid understanding of who they believe to be the messiah. I might also mention they tend to be deflated of quite a bit of self righteousness.

Any how beyond the Mike Williams plug, the conversation continued with what I believe to be the biggest boxing match in the minds of Christians. Jesus vs. jesus! Yes that's right folks, Jesus vs. jesus. One might think that makes no sense, but actually it would probably be quite the royal rumble. For now we will stick with the big boys; the fundamental core Christian concepts vs. not so fundamental.

In one corner we have an all God, all Man, all loving, all merciful, all redeeming, all saving, all forgiving, all seeing, all knowing, everlasting, eternal, omniscient, co creator of all, the one and only Jesus the Christ the Son of God who has came to save the world, by dying on the cross, bearing the judgement of the world to reconcile the whole world, Jew and gentile unto the Father God!!!! While in the other corner we have the same exact guy!!!
Well not exactly the same guy... Let me explain.

One of these guys is all of those things listed in his credentials, all by himself with no help, no belief and no service by anyone! No help from the crowd thank you very much. He is God all by himself, man can do nothing to change what he has accomplished i.e. the cross period!
While the other is most of the credentials listed, but many of his credentials are reliant on the crowd. As in he needs the crowds support to perform up to par. Without they're help he is helplessly weak.
Now this should actually be following the big Adam vs. Jesus controversy. But first we have to figure out which Jesus we are going to throw into the ring with Adam.

If your a Christian, which one do you put your money on? The Jesus who is savior without your help or belief, or the one who needs your help and belief to save you?

My drive with James Macdonald

It's 10am, I hop in my car and begin my journey. Traffic is normal, the day is beautiful, and my radio has begun to catch my ear. I change the channel, and tune in to the local christian station airing the daily moody bible college broadcasts. I confess am no longer a believer but I admit, I am highly obsessed with analyzing the doctrines airing on this so easily accessed radio station at 89.3 in my are codes.
Anyhow one of my favorite most annoying preachers of "tell it like it is christianity" is the dime a dozen mister James Macdonald.

The name of todays message was "pride+time=judgement". I was so happy to have joined in on todays congregation beatdown. Now in all honesty I would probably like this guy in another life or something, but now, when I hear this enthusiastic rhetorical self righteousness, I only want to punch him in the face, and rescue the people he steals from every time he speaks his munipulitve prospective on what life is all about. Comments such as, "you are so full of pride, that you can't se how God really sees you" which is: full of sin and completely worthless. He also makes the effort to let the listener know, that without God in there life it's a worthless life. There is nothing to offer unless you have God in your life, and I'm assuming that there is teaching on how to have that.

The most memorable statement was his own personal little reminder of how he remains "humble". He decided to let everybody listening know that he whenever his name is manually written, he no longer uses a capital J when he writes his first name, he uses a small j. Wow! is'nt that humble! all to remind him that without God he is nothing.

If making people feel completely worthless, in order to give them worth through your product is a "holy" service unto a god then this guy deserves a halo. Good job james! We are so proud of how you have successfully created a group of many who now need you to tell them how to live.
Right on time I arrive, and regroup from the mental convo. In and out sooner than expected, back to the car where the radio is still tuned to my favorite station. I couldn't help myself, I chose to listen on. This time Nancy Lee Demoss is on air talking how we take for granted our bibles through stories how what so and so went through to guilt the people into appreciation. I didn't buy it, and neither should you.

If you tell anybody a book is magical, from God and has all the answers of life, somebody is bound to go for the bait. I did! I snapped the line! I still have that nasty taste in my mouth but at least im not Hooked anymore. Ok, well at least i don't let it control me...